Friday 22 May 2015

We Don’t Want Solutions!

Lately, I have been depressed. No, this is not any Deepika Padukone-ish revelation that I am making in front of the entire world trying to be brave. I am just saying it because I know I am and let’s face it – most of us feel depressed at least some point of our life.
For some, it stays for as long as an hour or two and some drag it to eternity and then, there are some, like me, who face the wave of depression drowning them every once in a while and like a phoenix, they rise again and like a phoenix, they vanish again! Most of you can relate to this endless cycle of being effing happy like there’s no one happier and awfully depressed like there’s no life bleaker. My wave has fallen right now and I have absolutely no idea when the phoenix within me is planning to emerge flawlessly happy. Having said that, my real problem is not this depression but the way people react to it. You are getting it right and if you are depressed or have been depressed at some point of your life, you already know what I am talking about, so, this piece is for those who have absolutely no freaking idea of how to deal with a depressed or about-to-be-depressed person.

Allow me to speak on behalf of all depressed females (I have no idea how men want people to deal with their depression).

When we are depressed, we want to speak it out. When we speak it out to you, we are NOT seeking a solution from you.

This is the most common problem we face when we are depressed. We are desperately looking to find someone we can share our problems with. We stumble upon a few prospective names in our chat list and finally decide to take up the safest option which usually turns out to be either our best friend or life partner. Best friends rarely go wrong but life partners… sigh! They do! Not just life partners, our parents and siblings (with exceptions) fall in that category too. You tell them what’s making you sad and all you get in response are a bunch of “solutions” to overcome your problem and then there you are, ending up even more depressed than you started out to be! Why is it so difficult for people to understand that SOLUTIONS ARE NOT WHAT WE NEED right now? Telling us where we went wrong and that the matter is not that big an issue to be depressed over is NOT what we chose you for. Save that for a later day when we are not depressed.

Right now, we want acknowledgement! Acknowledgement of the fact that we went through a turmoil big enough to leave us depressed. We want acknowledgement of the fact that we were brave enough to fight as much as we could and we did our best to avoid chaos. We want acknowledgement of our efforts at making others happy. We want acknowledgement of our sacrifices and assurance that our martyrdom (or semi- martyrdom) did not go unnoticed. Above all, we want acknowledgement of our very existence- an assurance that our lives are not useless and we do matter to someone and that our contributions are precious and cherished.
Is that too much to ask for?

(Issued in public interest!)

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